never too late

hoping i can run today and get away faster
then ever from here
another night and who's to say if leaving is better
then living in fear

here's to all the broken hearts tonight
here's to all the fall aparts tonight
here's to every girl and boy who lost their joy
they let it get away

you know its never too late
to get up and start all over again
you know its never too late
there's gotta be a better way
don't settle for the cold and rain
it's not too late to start again
find a way to smile and never let it get away

its been a while and we've been down and out without laughter,
no smiling just tears
i'm tired of falling down and being such a disaster,
we've been here for years

here's to all the broken hears tonight
here's to all the fall aparts tonight
here's to every girl and boy who lost their joy
they let it get away you know its

never too late
to get up and start all over again
you know its never too late
there's gotta be a better way
don't settle for the cold and rain
it's not too late to start again
find a way to smile and never let it get away

i'm gone, i'm gone, there's gotta be a better way i'm gone
i'm gone, i'm gone, there's gotta be a better way i'm gone
i'm gone, i'm gone, there's gotta be a better way i'm gone
i'm gone, i'm gone, there's gotta be a better way i'm gone


ashotinthedark

Wendell Pinset

In order to truly appreciate this fiction, you'll need to download this file. the music came first. now lets make up a story.

http://download.yousendit.com/F05412CD38B543CF

(Put that song on repeat, and read on.)

'and believe me. I could butter you up all day in hopes that one day it all works out and I get to hold you in my arms and whisk you away to a magical place where clothes are made of kisses and taste is the only sensation you will really ever need.'

Wendell Pinset

Wendell is a seventy-one year old man. Well technically he's not anymore. Wendell Pinset is dead. He died about 9 days ago. In bed. With his family near by. Well. Around the bed. Wendell lived a long, prosperous and happy life. So it seemed. For a 71-year-old man, he was hell on wheels. (his legs worked fine) always making wisecracks, one-liners, and sweet romantic comments to older woman and younger woman alike. His merriment was infectious. Wendell was a strong man, which attributed to his Gerber Daisy longevity. He's dead now though. A good death. The kind where, as a reader, you are ready for and can welcome with only the slightest sting of reality at its worst. The music tells the tale better than words seem to. The way it describes, most specifically, his final minutes, even seconds. The way you can envision his eyelids dying to stay open for a just a few more seconds of lifetime and sunlight. The way everything seems to happen at once. The way his daughters grip on his arm tightens just that much more as a tear leaves her eye and drips onto his hospital gown. But she’s smiling. How big of her. How strong of her. To stand and look this crippling disease right in the face and say, 'You may be stripping me of everything I know and love, but you will not break me. No, you will take a part of me with you. She has come a long way since they we're all first given the news of dad's condition. And in the months to follow, leading up to his death they would see a man truly live out the most impactive denoument. Carpe Diem is for the scripted. This man defined conclusion. With an exclusive understanding of what was and what will be. The part I've left out is this. Wendell lived, but he lived with a closet full of skeletons. A past full of vindictive tragedies, the kind you only fully revisit in your sleep, or when its raining really hard. But boy how this man could act. And the only thing that made it that much worse, was the fact that he lived it alone. A life, not of lies, but from lies. We'd all be lying to ourselves if we said there was not a past from which we wish we never survived. Well, maybe not, but its arguable as to whether or not you can judge how much one has lived by the measure of their regrets. Wendell loved though. Always. Everything. Everyway. He lived with such a hunger and a fire. With such a determination and a lust for life and adventure. Even though we're born to doubt it, he seemed to carry such a flame in his eyes, and from even a young age, influenced so much good in this world. And when the time came for his number to be drawn, upon diagnosis, he realized that it was in these few months he had left the most, that he would truly revise a love that so desperately needed to change. Wendell wasn't married anymore, although a ladies man, throughout his life he loved many and many loved him back. But in turn he left a long trail of broken hearts and tattered bonds. He had managed to give away so much of himself to so many people yet still hold onto everything that made him who he was. Was it just an animalistic need for consumption? Or did he really have that much love to give. Whatever it was, it took its toll. Its funny how in most cases, the most comfortable places in life seems to be just seconds away from hitting bottom. And in this case, it was all of the above. Nothing says wake up and make good, like a crippling terminal illness. Wendell was not a quitter by any standard. It may have been his pride alone that got him as far as he did, but something changed. It was only once he realized the severity of his case that time seemed to have a governor. A limit. An end. And that sooner or later, he would meet this end. It was up to Wendell to decide how it would take place. The months to follow were almost unbearable at times. Painful, embarrassing, and ever so discomposing. but nothing could break him. And oh how inspiring it was to watch him endure even the darkest days with such a contentment for life and love for his family. 'a chipper old fellow, always making people smile' Wendell is described by a nurse who was with him in his last days. She was able to witness a turning point in him, a place where he seemed to let go of so much hurt, or what seemed to be, just a past of regrets. 'He seemed to have just let it all go'. Truly, a milestone. More than for himself, it made those who love him, so much stronger. To see him embrace his rounding existence with such pride and strength. It gave birth to an acceptance that would carry his children through this process with much resolve. And in the last seconds, as his eyelids reluctantly inched towards each other, a smile passed across his face, a cold, dying sort of smile. But one that held such contentment and release. The kind that made the viewer cringe only in the slightest, for there was so much more going on behind that half cocked grin, that as one close to him could only assume, Dad had made peace with himself. The kind of story where even the smallest adjustments in character and time and place seem to take such an effect on the viewer. The kind that makes you wish you could only be that lucky. Look both ways before you cross the street.

-JWH

a crisp varnish and a fast smile

today is so fucking hot. today is so fucking straight. direct. the kind of day where you come close to running out of devices. and accidentally bump into yourself more than once. 2 steps forward 9 steps into the middle of nowhere. i guess we all lie to ourselves even a little bit. i think the days it burns the most are the best days. when theres no room to shed light on outside discrepancies and you're left to the sound of the sweet wreckage of your own internalized war; but your skin tone rocks. the kind that makes you cry just thinking about it. the way you wish your chest would just rip open so your heart could sneak a breath of fresh air. not too fresh though. especially round here. not in my atmosphere. where it rains when its sunny and its too hot out when its actually raining. (<- well. that was a fucking depress.) that suffocating feeling you get when you've had your head under the covers one second too long. if it werent for the sharp lack of sad piano music playing in my head constantly i would probably be a walking ship wreck of tears and nice clothes. bright eyes and knives in my back pockets. funny how you never seem to get a handle on said knives though. they're normally too busy being stuck so far into your own back you begin to mistake the excrutiating pain for the commmon discomforts of moments you won't think about any more. but they're there. the way pizza stains on your tie. it doesnt go away. that was a nice fucking tie too. good pizza though. although, a little too meaty. i miss doing my hair. i think lately the complete lack of attention payed to any sort of personal grooming or care has given me the time to think more. i know. i'm that bad. you'd get that way too. why do you think fish look so nice. especially in the bowl. pizza's here. i hope there's roasted red peppers on it. if not i'm gonna freak out and do some heavy diva shit. i'm gonna leave as soon as i eat. the sun is just too beautiful to stay inside. a nice drive. here i come. a good release. i think i'll speed too. its the best deep breath you can take in an age of luke warm dust free incubation. i'll never take it for granted. that and a really sharp knife.

crispy.

Happy Birthday To My Balls!

so my birthday is comming up. it'll be around july 9th. and i decided i don't want anybody to get me anything. EXCEPT! undies. not just any undies. baby ribs. if you want to get me a present for my birthday (i highly recomend it.) let it be a present for my balls. affordable at any quantity. the american apparel baby rib mens brief retails at $15! i am a size small and, well, lets face it. can never have to much underwear. so i decided i want everyone to get me only these. i want them by the dozens! and you can pick the color! thats right mom! whatever color you want me to wear i'll wear! huzzah! this way, at the end of the day, your wallet is heavier, and my package is greener. or reder or bluer or blacker or greyer or neon pinker etc.

http://store.americanapparel.ca/4415.html#i



happy birthday me!

Smooth Hermans

so i just finished editing a video thats gonna go up on monday. and i realized (aside from the fact that we're all a bunch of total jackasses) that i am having the absolute time of my life. yesterday (thursday) was a big day for lyrics. up until yesterday everything was in its 2nd or 3rd draft and almost done save for the odd song with missing chorus lines or just little holes and gaps here and there. and lots of tweaking needed to be done. anyway. yesterday was just a really big day and the lyrics as a whole turned a real big corner. they've got me super excited. today was my 32nd yoga class in a row. i threw up after. i don't know why. but right around the 3/4 mark i started to get super dizzy. oh well. i bought strawberries this morning. i'm gonna eat them today. maybe save some to throw at cars. i'm stoked. starting to get the itch again. (no not THAT itch, i cured that with a full bottle of brandy) the touring itch. just a little excited to get back out and show off all our new songs. the mmva's are coming up. i think i'll do my hair. i havent done my hair since, uh, jesus, the fall of last year. interesting. we'll see how it works. i've gotta go in and get some more tattoo work also, before i take off. gonna finish up the top of my arm and add to my chest. and maybe get a special quote i've been wanting to get for a long time. oh and my ankles. maybe i'll make an effort to get a tattoo in every city. we'll see. maybe i'll just get a picture of greig nori on my back. maybe i won't.

won't
will not
wouldn't
would not
can't
can not
shant
shall not

i'm gonna go lick the back of my fingers and write down what they taste like.


famous last words: sooner or later

For the Nights I Can’t Remember

I see it in the way you do
What no one else could ever get through
Holding back till I come around
Time and time again you wait for me to come in
Did you really look my way
Cause no one could have seen this coming
I would never let you down
Running backwards in full time

So I can, and I will, and you’ll see,
Your hero come running
Over and over tonight

Cause I do wanna love you
And I do wanna try
Cause if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I’m going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time

Me, I’m used to being tired and bloody
But you believe that I could be somebody
You put your world on hold for me
You gave away to follow failure through the fire
I need you to know I will
Believe me girl I’m really tired of running
I just wanna hold your hand
And stare at you like you’ve got everything I’m needing

So I can, and I will, and you’ll see,
Your hero come running
Over and over tonight

Cause I do wanna love you
And I do wanna try
Cause if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I’m going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time

What if I never said to you I was dynamite?
What if I never told you I’m afraid to cry?
What if I never let you down and said I’m sorry for the nights I can’t remember?
What if I never said to you I would try?

Cause I do wanna love you
And I do wanna try
Cause if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I’m going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time
Cause I do wanna love you
And I do wanna try
Cause if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I’m going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time
Hold back your tears this time

FFTFF

and now a list of names i just made up.

brandst westbridge
slane redsockets
faundy mckinley
steve fosterweather
granst barreckston
angelie macnamara
brindle nash
fedge brackslind
corvy housegrind
lindin gest
red sinceboch
kent grislin
anderson fortnight
glasp rackmine
terry sawchuck
cliff shand
mickle hargrove
les costerflint
wendle pinsets

...and I won't go back to you.

in a time when everything was free
and the whole damn world revolved around me
i can't go back, and i won't go back to you
to believe somebody else could pay
for mistakes i so carelessly made,
i can't go back, and i won't go back to you

but i can't set free this part of me
when i'm crawling back to you
and i won't let you forget how far we've gone


i ate too much food at my nonna's last night
i brought my dad to yoga today
today was my 28th (4 weeks) class in a row
today i'm wearing a blue hoodie
;the same blue you're gonna get very familiar with
i move into the new house i just bought next friday
i start tracking vocals this saturday
i had a chicken sandwich from starbucks today
;it expired yesterday
i had a dream i died in a car crash last night
;ironically i drove like a fucking moron today
i think i'm gonna call my publishing company "Name Brand Shoes Entertainment"
i finally decided not to buy a puppy dog.
;i just don't have the time it would need from me


and now a short list of things that make me want to punch myself in the face

dissafected emo kids
slow drivers
loud people at the bank; yoga; coffee shop
contemporary R&B
girls with furry boots
television
television commercials
mcdonalds
the bright side of things
smart cars
the battery life on my computer
hangnails
people that are afraid of stupid things
acne
overly large people that sit next to me on a flight
facebook, myspace, all the other online showoff slutfests
C-Sides
any and every "who's who of rock & roll party"
people that have sensitive egos
when i wash my car by hand and then it gets dirty right away
breaking a guitar string
tryinig to pull up a zipper really hard and actually punching yourself in the face
my fucking piece of shit attitude


in other news, i have done a bit of an inventory and realized that i can not believe how many songs i have written and recorded that are just me and piano or me and acoustic guitar that will not be making this record. it excites me. there is A LOT of material lying in wait. i plan on making even more.


touring season is at hand and we have yet to rehearse our freshly written/recorded songs. i recomend you don't come to the first 5 shows we have scheduled, they will be more of a rehearsal than anything else. which actually will make for quite the eventful show.


my hands are cold. i'm going inside. despite the early morning showers, the sun set quite nice today. i'll never stop appreciating sun on my face.

put it in your cap.

You are the yellow bird I've been waiting for.

how many times can i sit and pretend that polaroids lie. that lazy days are safer. that my goal in life is to have it all. thats pretending. thats just a funny story with some pretty fucking heavy consequences. its like a happy kids book. but except at the end your heart explodes inside your chest and blood comes out of you. like the serious kind. serious ways. like out of your ears. you are the yellow bird i've been waiting for. the best days are the half cloudy kind. birds fly closer to the ground. its warm but the air carries a bleak sense of dark. don't just call me when you're drunk. none of this can wait. in one ear and out every way possible. out of time. and out of your god damn mind. there are entire civilizations being built on the side of entire mountains that have been swept under the rug. its really hard to not notice. most people just stand and stare. and point. like its the 50's and you're working for the fucking circus. nothing like being on the road. the traveling fish bowl. practice your answers kids. make them sound real. get them all to the point where you even pretend to make them up for the first time; everytime. thats when you're ahead of the pack. i bet you'll never know what grade i got in acting class. it makes me want to pull my hair out. you know the days; and don't fucking lie to me, cause everyone has them, when you find yourself on a balcony, or a roof top, or just somewhere up high, and you just think to yourself and wonder. what exactly would happen if i jumped off right now? i know how selfish i am. cause i don't think about my family, or how they'd feel, or how people would feel about it. i think about how i'd land. how i'd splatter. would my glasses stay on? my shoes? maybe i'll time it just right and land on a car. maybe the driver will have the radio loud and not notice i just slammed into the roof of his car. exploding all the glass out of the back windows. maybe he'll just keep driving. maybe i'll be lucky and ken (driver of the car) will be deciding to go for a nice drive that day. maybe my splattered carcas will get a nice scenic tour of the country side. maybe down to the water. flying down marine drive, music blaring. my distorted body spread out overtop of the roof of the station wagon. hopefully i'll be able to maintain a nice vacant stare up at nowhere. maybe ken will run a red light. maybe there'll be one of those nifty red light cameras to catch the speeding culprits in the act. maybe it'll take my picture. maybe the wind will be just strong enough to push the sides of my mouth up to look like i'm smiling. maybe someone down at the presinct will recognize me and call my parents. but maybe ken drives to mexico.


stuff me full of candy and take your best shot.


maybe my glasses will stay on!


enjoy your day!


:)

Beyond Belief - Costello = WICKIDAWSOME

i had a mild anxiety attack today in the car on the way to yoga. really odd. it was so sunny out and the music i was listening to was so happy and i had just left from a really good meeting. but for some reason i was really overtaken with what seemed to be quite the looming depression. even in yoga today, i was so distracted. until about 1/3 of the way through class. i came to a posture i can never do. and something overcame me. almost vehement. i became so focussed. i nailed the posture. it looks alittle like this (except without the training bra)

anyway. i realized something about myself today. it was quite the revelation. i have always been so afraid of my weaknesses. i decided today that i won't allow that anymore. i've decided to take alittle more control.

i am finished feeling powerless.

http://hedleyonline.com/media/vblog/051507.mov

ps - no more underwear either.

compartmentalized and keeping it classy

close captioned and catereing close to climbing back down to carry what i carved out of cancelled cardiovascular lines. maintnence man. is a man who is very good at maintaining. i'm going to cut several of my jeans into shorts this week. okay maybe just one pair. or two. we'll see. always a fun time of year. bitching camaro. its a bit cloudy. kinda of a dark nice tho. because all the fucking meatheads i watched drive down to the beach all day to be in the sun and show their feathers are bummed now cause the sun is gone. haha. i am so busy these days. and i'm getting away with it by the skin of my teeth. just barely remembering appointments. just hardly squeezing in time to make everything work. balancing. a balancing act. balance.

bal-ance |ˈbaləns|
noun
a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions
: overseas investments can add balance to an investment portfolio | [in sing.]
try to keep a balance between work and relaxation.

self medication:
rolo milkshakes
yoga
sunshine
music
family
driving fast
celebrating the times

a good old shang hai

helpless is almost easier. cause if you're actually helpless, you have EVERYTHING to blame your bullshit on.

no blamey.

You Were Everything To Me

i started video blogs today. for the first time. but i forgot my cable. so i'll upload and edit it tomorow. and then it should be uploaded on the server and a link will be provided here on the blog. and from there you can put it in your fanny. we'll see how it goes. let me know what you think. if they're working. no don't. keep it to yourself. having an opinion is just having another product to sell. but hey. everyone owns a vacuum right? how the fuck do you spell vacuum. questionmark.




the excellent shawn at the front desk. stellar fellar.






kitchen





tommy and deaner, trackin the bass






my zone, upstairs. in vibeville.







dave rosin and dave genn going out to celebrate. shortly thereafter, i follow.





the outside patio up in vibeville!



the sickest place to be.

time of life being had.

yzzzzzr.

Jesus Loves You... ...He'd Love You More If You Had Nicer Things Though.

i think i'm gonna be more thrifty. from now on. i woke up at 10.45 today. made it just in time to complete my 17th hot yoga class in a row. they're making me a cd. of 7 classes. same class, just intstructed 7 different times. so that i have a fresh class 7 days a week. throw that onto my ipod and can just wear my ipod mini and little headphones and do yoga wherever i am. i've been bouncing around the idea of just exaclty how many days i want to do this in a row. i'm up to 17 and have the luxury to afford (afford the time) to do another 20 days in a row of clases. before things get hectic with touring and schedules and flights and bla bla bla every day. but i'm curious as to whether or not i have the discipline to do this every day while on tour. no matter what. even if its in the bathroom at an airport. i think i might wanna try
for 30 days in a row first. and if, at 30 days i feel like i can carry on throughout the first chunk of touring season i'll then set another 30 day goal. and if i can get through that, then i can do 90 straight no problem. i'll take baby steps. in thirds. 1/3 = 30. and that is about the extent of my mathematical genius. fuck math. no. actually don't. please don't fuck math. i beg of you. its funny how the one subject i hated the most. i live in it. music. FRAMING! for god sake! you have to know alot of math to be an efficient framer. maybe i'll just open up a good will store. jeez. thats not a bad idea. i'll call it "someone else's undies". yes. i'm stoked. i'm stoked for this summer. touring is gonna start soon. i'm gonna have a lot on my plate. i want to keep the video blog going all year (lets start by starting it!) i want to try and do yoga every day. i want to keep writing while we tour. keep that exercise natural. meh. i'm a dreamer. we'll see how i do.


i don't wear shoes anymore


i'm jakes.

On Living.

This is about me. Its about the fall to my knees. Its about me waking up and having to do it the hard way. I’d give anything for a second chance. It’s about me wanting to start over. I regret. I finally have a regret. If I could go back in time to change what happened I would. In time to stop what happened I would. I hate who I was. How careless I was. Who I became I could do anything for a day to start again. To be free. I don’t want to fall for the same mistake again. Be another same old story. A sad story. If only I had one more shot. To start over again and really live. To do it right. I just want to fall apart when I think about what I’ve done. I ca’nt even think about it. It hurts. Is there really anybody home up there? Above me? I’m just getting older now. The nights are only getting colder. I do’t know how I changed. But I know I can’t ask why. I already know why. And now all I can do is pray for a fresh start. A second chance. A chance to make things right. I will fight for a chance to live again. Really live. EVERYTHING, EVERYWAY. I would do anything for it. I know it will happen I’m excited. I can’t wait. For the moment when I know I’m alive. The reason I’ve been brought to my knees. I’ll always come back up. Never give up. That’s why I’m a fighter. Well. There are a few reasons as to why I’m a fighter. The need to change. The desire to return. I’m excited. Truly. I'm excited. and happy. very.

i laughed i cried i put it in my cap.

Personal Video Blogs.

Starting Next Week.

Put It In Your Cap

its a good thing i didn't wear plad today. dave genna AND dave rosin are wearing plad. who am i kidding. i never wear plad. infact i should probably change my shirt. its been about 4 days running now. its nice. its the rolling stones one. i can't seem to get rid of it. today was my 12th hot yoga class in a row. unfortunatly i didn't eat dinner last night OR breakfast this morning, so at about 1 hour and 15 minutes into the class, i started to see A LOT of colors! but i'm fine. i went to my local meat-head-imporium and got my self a protein powerblast thermo enzyme boosting electrolyte rich thirst shattering carb crazy thundershake. served to me by only the most handsome mimbo i've ever met. awsome. bra. we're working on old school and on a song called "for the nights i'll never remember" (<- working title) it's been a great environment in the studio lately. everyone's super in tune and vibing and we're coming up with some incredible material. the creative process is functioning. we are so excited to launch this record.



FAMOUS LAST WORDS.

IT'S STARTING AGAIN.

SEPTEMBER 2007.


* when you find a nickel while you're on the go, don't just blow it on a picture show! put it in your cap! put it in your cap!

oiler!

remember when how much we're awsome right now?


wrap your head around that!

and the rain has a funny way of smelling like you.

there is somethinig SO SAFE about what seems like everybody seems to hate.

miles' oleo but in 6/8 for the backbreak. mo fuckuh.

hello good friend. its been a while. its been some time. its been too much for me to handle by myself. great timing. oh and great hair. oh and great to see you're still into kicking ass and taking narcotics to trick them into thinking you've made sense. i havent. therefore you havent. don't forget how intune we really are. why its not possible to make sense of what we know feels best. forget it. you'll know what i'm talking about when your back for good. some things to take note while you've been gone. i did some heavy renovations to the place. really changed things around. i wasn't sure what the neighbors would think, so incase they ask. nothing happened. the show must go on* i don't think you'll be able to keep up with me anymore though! i've gotten much faster! in one sense, i guess though, maybe i SHOULD be so wary as to think that possibly, the idea that you cannot keep up with me would have anything to do with the likelihood of me not being able to slow down fast enough for you. HA! put that in your pipe and smoke it. i do. no one ever said self medication should be boring! and hey. a little easier on the vice, a little harder on the heart right! but enough about me. tell me about you. no wait don't. i'll just watch. and listen. did i mention you look incredible in those jeans. oh. and i don't think you have my new number!

you don't even know.

just keep me where the light is!

paint me a mountain with grass on the ground.
make me dreamer with faults all around
let me believe its the air thats so loud
let me be me and i won't turn around.
not for you. not for anyone.
these failed to mention positves have failed to get me by
so turn the page and shut your eyes, i hope we all go blind
its been so long since everyone,said goodbye at the same damn time

the faster i let go of everything i can't change
the harder i fight for what i can and i will.
the harder i fight for what i love and what i believe

but without letting go of everything inevitable, i will never stop
i cannot and will not believe in what i am supposed to be.
theres so much more to all of this than i am led to understand
a cardboard stand up sheriff in this cardboard stand up town.
i prayed for no wind.
no secrets to be unveiled.
the wind came.
i am unraveled.
revealed.

Embarrassed

And here on my knees,
As the hair on my back of my neck begins to stand tall;
Its funny how almost electric it can feel when shame turns to pride;
And here at the bottom I will rebuild this city.
Strong. True. With a hint of Obnoxious.

Then I’ll go and get a 10 piece box of chicken nuggets and scarf them down as fast as I can. Then a four litre jug of milk. Right after. Straight down. All of it. And I’ll make sure I’m in dave’s car when I puke. Just to see what he does. He’ll probably punch me. I’ll try and film it.

I hope I understand where I’m going with this. I won’t. I guess I’m just nervous. Don’t ever try to expect the unexpected. The unexpected has a funny way of always being smarter than you.

And yes. Plan B is to just give’r.

It's Okay, Jesus Wears Rebok Pumps Too.

cough it up. lets hear it.

it seems like a pretty good out. if the angels don't bother backing back down. the make-up's on and the pipe organs blaring. they'll stop you from crying and they'll stop you from caring. all that i wanted was you. you ruined my life. you made it come true. now i'm dragging my feet to the sound of the blue. and the rain has a funny way of smelling like you.

the rain has a funny way of smelling like you.

these are two important people in my life. my best cousin and my best friend.

i am a scenario

scenario |səˈne(ə)rēˌō; -ˈnär-|
noun ( pl. -os)
• a postulated sequence or development of events
: a possible scenario is that johnny was punched in the shoulder by his bigger brother. so much so, that johnny developed an inferiority complex and began to build up walls in his life against the antagonists of his child hood. in doing so, johnny realized the value in his own weakness. johnny is only human. just like everyone around him. even the common foe. yes, even the most menacing enemy has his achilles heel, his 'right between the eyes'. johnny has realized that survival is only a matter of suffering the inevitable and manipulating the susceptible. and this being the basis of even the most primative warfare, johnny eyes dug a little deeper. pierced a little deeper. and burned. a little deeper. not to say they all lived happily ever after. even if it is true. what doesn't kill you, is sure to leave a horrible scar. johnny experienced his fair share of scars. but a long the way lived the life of a warrior poet. not so much 'braveheart' mel gibson, as much as 'the patriot' mel gibson. in the end johnny was happy to settle into his little hole of enlightened abandonement. having ruled out all the love in his life, allthough completely aware of it, is erroded by the wheathering footprints of relationships. alone. cold. on top of the world. at least you can see all the swimming pools from up here. beware this trend setting stereotype tragedy. mind you. i wouldn't be too worried. if you avoid it you're fine. and if you get swept up into it, thats fine too. you won't even know it's got you. it's that good. and lets not kid ourselves and try and get too ahead. you can't stop the rock. and YES. you ARE just one person. there IS only so much you can do. never win. don't try. feed the machine. buy coca cola, channel, converse, levis and quiksilver. buy it lots. buy it often. look like something. become someone. you're most likely going to miss the mark, even just slightly. there can only be so many bullseyes. but stay where you are. you won't even know you're gone.

kisses.