a crisp varnish and a fast smile

today is so fucking hot. today is so fucking straight. direct. the kind of day where you come close to running out of devices. and accidentally bump into yourself more than once. 2 steps forward 9 steps into the middle of nowhere. i guess we all lie to ourselves even a little bit. i think the days it burns the most are the best days. when theres no room to shed light on outside discrepancies and you're left to the sound of the sweet wreckage of your own internalized war; but your skin tone rocks. the kind that makes you cry just thinking about it. the way you wish your chest would just rip open so your heart could sneak a breath of fresh air. not too fresh though. especially round here. not in my atmosphere. where it rains when its sunny and its too hot out when its actually raining. (<- well. that was a fucking depress.) that suffocating feeling you get when you've had your head under the covers one second too long. if it werent for the sharp lack of sad piano music playing in my head constantly i would probably be a walking ship wreck of tears and nice clothes. bright eyes and knives in my back pockets. funny how you never seem to get a handle on said knives though. they're normally too busy being stuck so far into your own back you begin to mistake the excrutiating pain for the commmon discomforts of moments you won't think about any more. but they're there. the way pizza stains on your tie. it doesnt go away. that was a nice fucking tie too. good pizza though. although, a little too meaty. i miss doing my hair. i think lately the complete lack of attention payed to any sort of personal grooming or care has given me the time to think more. i know. i'm that bad. you'd get that way too. why do you think fish look so nice. especially in the bowl. pizza's here. i hope there's roasted red peppers on it. if not i'm gonna freak out and do some heavy diva shit. i'm gonna leave as soon as i eat. the sun is just too beautiful to stay inside. a nice drive. here i come. a good release. i think i'll speed too. its the best deep breath you can take in an age of luke warm dust free incubation. i'll never take it for granted. that and a really sharp knife.

crispy.