Saturday, September 30, 2006

the "failed to mention positives"

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enough said.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

who needs camera's when you have bruises

so my last memory of last night was dan finding tom and i passed out on the elevator floor underneath a toppled over luggage cart. we thought it would be smart to celebrate the release of our cd last night. and we did. boy howdy. i can't belive how much pain i'm in today. tom threw me down a flight of concrete stairs. haha. i was strangling dave. i ran through a sliding door with my face and broke the door off the hinges. with my face. i've been limping all day. i think i tried to break tom's arm off. see what happens lousiville!?! see what happens when you have $2.50 domestic beers!?!?! man. then we got back to the hotel and dave and i got, er.. distracted. and we had a 4am lobby call and i don't remember packing. i think i lost my watch. drats. it was quite the hangover today. i didn't even eat today. just had about 78 bottles of powerade and a chocolate chip cookie. i'm gonna go get some sleep now. much much needed.

they're holding knives

sill dre. i still got love for the stree. t. we actuellyy wen tout tonight. 2.50 beers. who the ufucks sayin know? no? tom thre me wodown the stair. s. my knee rilly hearts now. but fuck that. i puinched him in tha face reailly bad . but we're durnk wso who knwos what happesn.d. i need to heaat more lasagerna. hmmmm. its in the fromnnnt desk i'm bognna get it. fck this. in this duernkend onesty l4ets say stomthieng lasting. you cant break me. and yeassss.. i am soooo deppp. ooooooh.. hahahahaha,. fucki. stop rasoing shit you fucking retard. yes you. hahaha. fuck. snoop dotgg is my biological nigga. wowooorrd. baazzap.


Monday, September 25, 2006

lying for a living

headlight. morning glow.
the red red lips. the sun is setting in beautiful kentucky (nicer than i thought) the back wall of my hotel room (opposite of this window i'm sitting behind) is an orange so bright and so deep its almost red. the sun is powerful here. its amazing. and just like that its gone. don't fail me now. don't you even fucking think it. we're dead somehow. but somehow, we're still being here. so i watched a scary movie last night. thought i was all brave. ended up calling dave to see if he wanted to come up and watch it with me. i couldnt handle it. i was actually too scared! i had to turn the lights on and lock the door with all the deadbolts when i went to bed. kinda burst my man bubble. i don't even think i have one left. best to smile. best to squeal for daddy. i'm thirsty. burn away now. burn away with me and say. don't let me breath now. don't let me know we're all todays best choice for sleep. i'm going to get a water. i bought some incense today. its beautiful. where has my head gone?


this is jordan. known eachother since we were kids. we grew up together. jordan is my best friend in the whole world. i'm putting him up in this place because he makes it better here. i miss him.

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Friday, September 22, 2006

Fast Food Olympics

so i order from the drive thru from Taco Bell, McDonald's and finally Wendy's. now an evening of Full House and Tool Time awaits me. I'm waaay too uh "dristracted" right now to be focusing on typing. i'm glad i didn't drink tonight. i'm just watching tv and eating snacks. i love snacks. don't just sit there. call tango personals now. american nuggets just arent as good as canadian nuggets. the plum sauce is the same. thats great. tonight i had a 1/4 Pound Burrito from Taco Bell, then i grabbed a Big Mac Meal Super Sized and 10 Piece Nuggets, finally got a Baked Potatoe Fully Loaded with brockly and cheese. Brockly, brooooockly. is that how you spell brockly? i dont think i've ever spelled brockly before in my life. i seriously think this is the first time i've ever spelled brockly. i'm was a brockly spelling virgin, but no longer! i've just broken my brockly Himen. brockly, brockily, brockely, brockley, brocklie. fuck. theres so many good ways to spell brockly. wait. no its hYmen. Hyyyymen. HYYYYYYYYYYYMEN. fuck. i'm out. and really want to listen to bob marley. hyyyyyyyymen.

hymen |ˈhīmən|
membrane that partially closes the opening of the vagina and whose presence is traditionally taken to be a mark of virginity.

hymenal |ˈhīmənl| adjective

ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: via late Latin from Greek humēn ‘membrane.’

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

dear (blank)

dear (blank),
i'm sorry i (blank)ed your (blank),
but theres a bunch of other people that i still gotta thank
i know,
today is going to fucking slow,
so take a number and i'll tell you everything that i know
its last call,
and here i am again in the hall,
i guess nobody gets my jokes at all,
its no prize,
being me and getting too wise,
they just make you turn around and go apologize.


2nd best dependance in a while

i have been relying on this place more and more. the rocks are closer. the hard places seem more real then ever. and all i have is here. this safe place. nothing here judges me anymore. well. not that i know of. being more myself than anyone else would let themselves be. here is saving my life. here is making me stronger. here is stretching my legs. there is alot of pressure lately. almost too much to handle. to that point where you either make a move or you crumble. i won't break. not yet. not like this. i'm better than that. stronger than this. you won't break me. if you knew how paper thin your ground really was. you've got nothing on me. you never will. theres always someone stronger, always someothing bigger. ive got more important things to lose sleep over. and i'm safe here anyways. i'm not going anywhere. this ship will one day sink. and i will happily go down with it as long as i can know in my heart i did everything in my power to keep it afloat. and if it still sinks, it was supposed to and so was i. but i will not go down without a fight. in a blaze of fire and glory.

i'll end big. i have to. dave asked me if i liked motorbikes the other day i said no. cuz i'd kill myself. and i don't want to go in a measly bike crash. i have plans of dying by explosion. not IN an explosion, but actually exploding. when i die, whenever that will be, it will have been because i exploded. literally internally cumbusted. like a human grenade. my skin and guts all over everyone around me. hopefully it happens at county fair of some sorts. so that there are several people in the vicinity of my skin and guts fallout. blood everywhere. someone will get a hand on their head. my hand. ha. but it will be grand. it will make new stations across the country. it will become famous. old men will tell stories to their neighbors. children will sing songs about it. i will become a bedtime nursury. fuck. who gets the royalties to rock a by baby. what a classic.

i'm gonna start wearing cleats more often. its so much esasier to buttonhook on a sunday afternoon with cleats than without. also they're good for hikes and slashing peoples ankles and knees. although, they'l have to be rubber so i can maintain my 'highest jumper ever' record. undefeated might i add. i can jump the shit out of, off of, onto, or over anything. i'm thinking of taking some kind of martial art. just so my abilities to imobilize the human body will become more resourceful and swift. i figure i'll probably go back into my old job one day. hired killing. no weapons. just hands. in and out. a genius of the deadly arts. back in my prime i could wipe out an entire army cafeteria at lunchtime without a single person knowing what was going on. jfk didnt die by gun shot. i snuck into that limo in the middle of the day. and he spotted me. and i looked so wicked and intimidating his head just exploded. can i say that? too soon? too soon. ha. thats my fucking anthem. haha whats the different between steve irwin and a rock? nothing.

oh wait. a rock didnt leave behind a wife and two kids.

too soon?

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Saturday, September 16, 2006

fuck this broken soul shit

and for all its worth fuck the reason i'm here. and at the same time dont. what a bitter sweet arrival, and yet, arriving only to check out at 9am with a nasty hang over and a handful of blind spots. for a lack of subtlety. sometimes i wish i was not as open as i am. as honest as i could be. as blunt as i get. you give them an inch, they fuck you up and jack your shit for all its motherfuckin worth. i absolutely hate using this place to complain but if i don't do it here i'm gonna strangle a bitch. most bands cant see past their egos far enough to create a human connection to a fan. to spend any sort of time with a fan is a fucking chore. i feel very safe in saying i've made it my fucking lifes (haha 2 years) work to create as much of a bond with our fans as humanly possible. hours and hours and hours of sitting there, with every bone in my body making sure i'm being sincere to all 2000 fans when i say thanks for coming and hugs and pictures and hugs and autographs. fuck i love it. i'll never denounce attention. i used to get kicked out of class for wanting too much. now people literally line up to give it to me. give them an inch... im' assuming i will always be made to feel by people, that its not enough. heres a fact, at least for me, it takes a literal army of people to boost confidence, and only a handful of fucks to shatter it. how much is too much? how much is too far? things not far from the forefront of my mind, but definatly in the passenger seat. i'm not going to conclude, on here, my thoughts on this matter. for reasons, A: i dont feel i need to. and B: i already forgot what i was talking about.

im' still greatful. i'm proud to call my friends my friends. the only way i can tell the difference between a friend and an aquaintance, is by which ones know what about me. there is alot i allow people to know. alot i allude to. alittle i am discrete abou,t and a great great many things no one will ever know. except for you. (you know who you are.) i'll keep giving. i wont stop. i'll hold my tongue. more importantly my fist. nobody is worth the money for the lawsuit involved in me crushing all the bones in their face with my hand. i think i've also done quite the job at not letting this shit get to my head. knowing how much of a nobody and halfass i still am and always have been has been my greatest strength and consolement. i don't impress me. i'll always be stoked that i have fans though. people that appreciate the music i make and the show i perform and the interview i give and the time i take. the time i take... ...give them an inch... i can't belive it has actually come around to bite me sometimes. not severely. but what measure is too much these days. fuck it. let god sort them out.

i was asked today if i like rain. i answered with. "no. i've done too many years of 4 season construction on the west coast of canada to have any sort of poetic regard for rain." it was a good question. i thought about it after. i thought about different things. thgings that are so glorious, exciting, beyond my wildest dreams, even beautiful. i thought about rain again. how cold it can be. how wet it is. how it chills you to the bone. how every time you lift your hammer above your head it runs down your sleeve to your warm chest, and sends icy shivers down your body. how it turns dust into mud. how it turns wood into a slip and slide. how it makes your finger tips pink and unable to grab nails. how it makes you sniffle. all day. how a 2x6 splashes water up into your face when dropped to the ground on the flat. how production slows down. how moral is weakend. how u cant have the radio out. how you have to work with extra layers of rubber that make you sweat. how your feet are always the first to freeze. (ring ring: mommy can you bring me more dry socks!) then i thought about my life. my music life. and all the ugly connotations that go along with it. and i thought about whether or not it out weighs the good. i will not disclose my conslusion. ever. i stand here. staring, hungering, after this mountain infront of me. this big big mountain. to my left and my right other eyes staring upwards. some not as hungry. some hungrier. i'm sweating. so much on this line. i don't want to have nothing to lose. what will i be rememberd for? fuck this broken soul shit. i'm solid gold. things will break me, but i'll never be broken. i'll never let you take a part of me with you. its an act for the most part. an ever changing act. sometimes growing, sometimes screwing up, sometimes smiling, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming, sometimes laughing, always naked, sometimes obnoxious, sometimes charming, and hardly concerned about the consequences. an act. act. my theme song will not forever be, the buzz of ice machines, distant (and sometimes very very close) sounds of sirens, auditoriums of numbing screams, and that really wicked sound the toilet makes on the tour bus bathroom. my scenery will change when its ready to. and if i dont enjoy every second of right now, i'm am the worlds 'silliest' fool. but besides that. i will always ask myself. how long can i make this last. how close does that mountain top seem. how lucky am i? really? how strong am i? really? how proud am i? really. maybe wrap me up in plastic maybe crawl back down the window. its much harder to feel sick when your heart is so far from real. you're only close to bottoming out when your knees kiss this ground. but what do i know about making things work. about full house endings and lessons learned punctually. this rain, the same rain. still falls on my face and i feel it. i see it. it makes my hair wet, my skin shine, my heart beat. but it still turns this dust into mud. my knees. they're very muddy still.

she came in a box, i loved, and i sold her.


its quiet here now. hmm.

Friday, September 15, 2006

shits and giggles is right.

yeah. reality here i come. i gave it a second chance and i am completely weary of it. if you want to comment. call me.


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

fuck you and the myspace you came from

i was gonna start a myspace today. but i didnt. i wont. fuck that noise. do you know why i wanted to start one? well let me tell you why. i wanted to start a myspace so i could go and comment on my friends' spaces. how fucking gay is that. jesus h kennedy. shortly after realising how pathetic of an idea that was, i called a friend and said hi and told them i missed them. fucking internet. its going to ruin our lives. you'll see. terrible. i'm not even going to waste my time being angry about it. it doesnt deserve my anger. oh well. can't stop the machine. i'll give in eventually. in the mean time. i'm gonna go listen to tribe called quest. and now a word from our sponsors.

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Monday, September 04, 2006

angels think too.

pre script: i didn't write this.

"there is a science to riding a bike
there's a particular way that everyone likes
to get on
and get off
angelic or graceful or fast or leisurely
not really many rules
but quite frankly
i'm always waiting for the one time
that i lose control
of something i know so very well
and fall

it'd be nice to see half my face on the pavement"

theres no pride like wine pride.

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Sunday, September 03, 2006

the worst place in the world is

.anything and anyplace that requires a room key.
.anyone that makes me want to strangle.
.everything that makes me tired.
.everystep that furthers me from your door.
.the other end of this phonecall.
.helplessness blvd.
.so close but still so far.
.a text message away.

i need you so much closer

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