You are the yellow bird I've been waiting for.

how many times can i sit and pretend that polaroids lie. that lazy days are safer. that my goal in life is to have it all. thats pretending. thats just a funny story with some pretty fucking heavy consequences. its like a happy kids book. but except at the end your heart explodes inside your chest and blood comes out of you. like the serious kind. serious ways. like out of your ears. you are the yellow bird i've been waiting for. the best days are the half cloudy kind. birds fly closer to the ground. its warm but the air carries a bleak sense of dark. don't just call me when you're drunk. none of this can wait. in one ear and out every way possible. out of time. and out of your god damn mind. there are entire civilizations being built on the side of entire mountains that have been swept under the rug. its really hard to not notice. most people just stand and stare. and point. like its the 50's and you're working for the fucking circus. nothing like being on the road. the traveling fish bowl. practice your answers kids. make them sound real. get them all to the point where you even pretend to make them up for the first time; everytime. thats when you're ahead of the pack. i bet you'll never know what grade i got in acting class. it makes me want to pull my hair out. you know the days; and don't fucking lie to me, cause everyone has them, when you find yourself on a balcony, or a roof top, or just somewhere up high, and you just think to yourself and wonder. what exactly would happen if i jumped off right now? i know how selfish i am. cause i don't think about my family, or how they'd feel, or how people would feel about it. i think about how i'd land. how i'd splatter. would my glasses stay on? my shoes? maybe i'll time it just right and land on a car. maybe the driver will have the radio loud and not notice i just slammed into the roof of his car. exploding all the glass out of the back windows. maybe he'll just keep driving. maybe i'll be lucky and ken (driver of the car) will be deciding to go for a nice drive that day. maybe my splattered carcas will get a nice scenic tour of the country side. maybe down to the water. flying down marine drive, music blaring. my distorted body spread out overtop of the roof of the station wagon. hopefully i'll be able to maintain a nice vacant stare up at nowhere. maybe ken will run a red light. maybe there'll be one of those nifty red light cameras to catch the speeding culprits in the act. maybe it'll take my picture. maybe the wind will be just strong enough to push the sides of my mouth up to look like i'm smiling. maybe someone down at the presinct will recognize me and call my parents. but maybe ken drives to mexico.


stuff me full of candy and take your best shot.


maybe my glasses will stay on!


enjoy your day!


:)