Wednesday, February 10, 2010


this is the first and last time i'll ever quote someone else on here, i just felt this was too important not to share.

"To those who use this word all too frequently: words have meaning. Language is important. When you confuse the definitions of the words "epic" and "good," you leave yourself stranded when it comes time to describe something truly amazing that you have not yet experienced, like sex IRL. Please refrain from using the word "epic" until you encounter a WTF that is truly OMG. If you won't be describing it to your grand-children, it isn't epic.

EDIT: I agree with so many of you who argue, quite correctly, that language can neither be controlled nor redirected with posts like mine from earlier today.

Some of you are purists, linguists, and descriptive grammarians. I consider myself to be one of you, even if I cannot wear this post as a badge of proof. I, too, believe that language is a naturally evolving creature that needs not our improvement.

Others of you seem to aggressively attack any threat to the memes that you hold so dear. Perhaps you think that if the memes die, so might you. For you, I hereby coin the term "Stay at Home Fapper" to describe your many, many contributions to our community."

thank you

Saturday, February 06, 2010

dear nail clippers

what makes you think you can do this? how can you feel even the slightest bit comfortable with yourself? you took complete advantage of me and now i have nothing more to give.

i put my trust in you. all of it. when i first saw you, i knew had to have you. all the signs were right. you seemed like the right fit. and i'll admit, i needed you. but this does not discount the fact your reputation preceded you.

nobody can deny that we worked when we tried. but you never should have failed me. you never should have lied. we never should have found ourselves without that vital element. without the strength to persevere and carry on what our bond meant.

i kept you the closest and you didn't let me see it coming. not until i needed you did i discover you weren't strong enough to get me through. when it came down to you, and the promises you made, you just couldn't cut it. and that's not even what hurts the most.

trusting you was difficult at times, but my trust's ultimate demise is not what brings me the lions share of sadness in this rotten sweating carcass of a love affair. it's the fact that i was strong enough to trust you. and it took everything i had. but i needed you. i had to have you.

when i finally realized you couldn't be what i needed, i knew there was no going back to how it used to be. how could you treat me the same? i don't know how, but everything dulled. our engagements lacked a precision previously unparalleled by other partners. but things were different now.

i can't take you back and i won't. you will never find yourself under my roof for as long as i live. please remember me as the burning rubble of a house that will have been the last true love you will ever experience.

i never want to see you again. just so you know, i'm going down to the pharmacy today to pick out a new pair. and i don't care how much it costs. never mind that $2.69 bullshit. last time i ever forget to bring cash to the pharmasave at broadway and commercial dr.

fuck you nail clippers.