Wednesday, January 12, 2005

on homogonized smarts

i miss the way the light shone into the back of my skull when i'd stare up at you and smile. i miss having something to fight for. i miss fighting for the something we shared. you miss beating me into the ground. the dust clouding and clumping onto my new found open wound agression. the animals run in circles around the taunting revelations of open book propaganda. the kind you learn from sunday school. tape it on your forehead, burn it in my rosewood spine. you can't make me eat this poison. you can't make me bring my toys in. ears and eyes are the sewer of my mind. outlet. i'll make u know... forget you. i've lost it. the best contests around here are based on who has the biggest nose. raise em high kiddies, someones got gold in their hands. get real, get a grip. get bent. do you think they'd care if we set fire to the castle? i called the king, he'll give me clout in the deep end of things. i know i'm crazy. i know you can't figure it out. the only part that bothers me is the way things bounce off our pittied rubber brains. i like the way a rose dies, the way a girl cries, the way a boy lies, the way a bird flies. some things just make my knees bend. all of the above are considerably influencial over said circumstances. i still miss my mom. the way she smiles. the way she smacks the back of my forehead for drinking milk out of the jug. who the hell thought up homoginized milk anyway? did some fat cat beurocrat sit and think to himself, 'i need to invent a way for people to walk away from breakfast feeling like they just ate a bowl of cremo and warm butter'? what horrible insight. i'll kill the masoginistic dairyfarming demon who built the empire of homo.. genized milk. playing with the idiots. the ones in the tall hats. opening your heart to a tall hat. have a glass of homo milk. share the world to the rubber brained, tall hatted, knee bending, grip getting, fool. burn it in my rosewood spine.

"on homoginized smarts"

Friday, January 07, 2005

the color of fear

there is a certain chord progression that unlocks the tears of my heart. and it goes as follows... no one cares. i figure u can climb the ladder of intellect only so high until you've reached the rung you fear the most, revelation. the little piggies pursue the atrocities of this resident bell curve hate. there’s always a bigger dog around the corner. so stop working out. work instead. work on crying, work on accepting the defeat of a greater enemy and lesser companion. my possible insecurities whisper in my ear in the evening, clouding the setting sun with fire breathing defeat. in a position of possibilities, the farmer finds away to block out the fox. there will always be the blood thirsty fox. reminding you your chickens are never safe. u can only make the coupe higher, stronger, more proud, more beautiful. i turned my hate into the white walls of solidarity and called them friendship. to accept the fear that binds you to your destiny is to befriend the future that will make or break you. it’s Sunday night. i really miss my mom. i really miss kool-aid popsickles. my mom will never stop smiling at me. or hugging me. i miss hugging my mom. my mom hugs my dad also. i think they're in love. don't let longing replace your word love. desperate times call for desperate lovers. take steps slowly. make sure u can look back and remember your reason for eating the ever loving crap every time u wish u wanted something more than life, but it turns out there was something better. tears remind me of a time in my own life. when i thought i owned the world in a kiss. when all i ever needed would squeeze back. then the far east claimed her soul. and i lost the battle of perseverance. a quote of the day? make sure you DO regret decisions in ur life. that way at least you have something to complain about, even in heaven. good bye blue sky.

"the colour of fear"

Saturday, January 01, 2005

the start of something formidable...

i guess this is a new phase for me. with many concrete standards. i.e. spelling mistakes. violently digressed punctuation. and the occasional emotional peaking enduced outburst. this looks like it may turn out to be a promising avenue after all. its been a while. it's been some time. its been more than i can deal with regarding my own lack of self reflection. this will probably end up becoming more raw than i would have anticipated. but its probably more healthy that way. in this sanctuary. away from the inquirys of my fraudulent persona. i think i might buy a gun tho. just in case. anyway. hello blog. nice to meet you.