Sunday, December 09, 2007

I Am The Great Destroyer

I'm walking in slow-mo now. a lot more than before. even sitting in a busy room everything is starting to sound like noise coming from another room. no Hi and Mid K, just low muffled tones, ambient impersonations of voices taking place in serious conversation. The bubbling in my stomach has stopped being a weird thing and began to take is place as stationary in my neat and tidy corner office of fear and absolute terror.

the farthest away is starting to seem so very unimportant. one foot in front of the other is the mantra of a 21 century billboard style transmission i have come to know as motivation and not the doomsayers opening prayers. the sunshine is still a major factor in keeping things positive. the rain has become a comfort, reminiscent of keeping as warm as you can with someone important. trying to keep as warm as you can all alone in your darkest hour, just as if there was no other way. i havent clipped my nails in a couple days too long. and i couldn't find my nail clippers in my bag so i need to buy new ones, in the meantime i type sounding like my aunty playing the piano with enormous fake nails. (they're not that bad)

making right by people that you care about just might be one of the most liberating feelings accessible to the human heart and soul. not only do you feel stronger for growing the balls to say what you feel and admit your discrepancies, you feel credible and able to act as a pillar in someone else's life once more. you can run so much farther and faster when your pockets aren't filled to the brim with garbage.

i've been keeping to myself more than ever as of late, but not the bad type; the type of reclusiveness that acts as a the sole proprietor of your sanity. and in complete endorsement of being able to make peace with yourself wherever possible. i have no doubt in my mind that i will one day write a book entitled "On Waking To Sleeping: What Not To Do" until then i'll just continue doing research for said non-fiction.

Jimmy Eat World - 23, Just kicked the shit out of me.

"I Won't Always Love These Selfish Things, I Won't Always Live, Not Stopping..."