Friday, October 09, 2009

we can't fail if we can fix

Facing the obvious is a lot like admitting you're wrong. You never want to do it, but it's always the right thing to do. Nobody insists on getting in trouble. Not smart people any way. But I can't keep myself from disassociating with the right way to do things. It's not that I make mistakes on purpose, that's a paradox. But I can't help but fuck up once in a while. There is such thing as a voluntary mistake. It's also known as idiocy. Its scary going through things you've never experienced before in your life. It makes you nervous. You second guess yourself. Its an arduous and often lonely journey. The ups and down in my life have increased in both intensity and frequency. None of it can stop me, but it will always make me stop and think.

The evermore careful,

- The evermore wise.

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Friday, October 02, 2009

heaven is in your head

things are moving at a different place lately. less frantic. the walls aren't caving in. over the past few weeks i've experienced something i'd never before. moments of an afternoon are made to seem as they were carefully edited clips comprising the trailer to a half-decent movie. complete with perfectly timed theme music.

-- do you ever have those moments where what you're doing makes complete sense because of the song that's playing? or what you're doing all of a sudden becomes one of the most important moments in your life, timed perfectly to the right sound? --

bad things happen in good movies.

good movies can also end poorly. so not to say there isn't shit on some sidewalk somewhere. not to say you don't need to keep your battle stations manned. keep your edge, however you can. keep it sharp and keep it close.

enough about you. what about me? where do i find MY peace? try reading more than one book. (books ABOUT that one book, DO NOT COUNT as other books.) i don't need to dwell on whether there is a hell. i'm sure i've got plenty more positive things to think about. but peace. peace is always hard to find. no matter how grand your imagination is.

where can anybody really find it these days? shit is fucked. people are trying to find something safe in their lives to turn to and are presented with pockets full of pills and plasma screens. told to believe AOLTIMEWARNERAPPLESONYCNNJESUSPILSNER has the key to your happiness. for a nominal fucking fee.

i found some peace. here and there. what good is moderation if you don't have anything great to tempt you? i can't believe how much work there is to do. always. it often keeps me up at night. i sleep great though. it took a while. but i can sleep again.

everything that happens in your life, becomes who you are. you can't be happy with who you are until you can accept everything you've been through for what it is - your complexion. fuck yeah we did it. with all of our hearts. but you can't help but live like you're never going to die. somehow the middle makes itself clear. lucidity isn't always a cure. and sedation is almost never the right medication. but somewhere in the middle, somewhere i don't really care to pinnpointatthispoint, there is a healthy balance.

one foot in front of the others.

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