Wednesday, December 23, 2009

How Many Times Do You Think You Could Stab Me With That Knife Before I Take It Away and Kill You With It?

this is where i find me, this is where i found you. i could spend the rest of my waking life around you.

i'm in the big warm attic of a house in a small town 6 hours from a major airport. there's a river running through the back yard. this house is old. the person i love grew up here. it's special.

it's been a long time since i've found myself in a place where i can feel comfortable. a lot has changed. a lot has gotten better. i see things differently now. it effects the way i act. compounding at an exponential rate, there is an evident measure of pressure i realize i will never avoid. elusive is the new procrastinate.

this is the new wave, the cycle continues. i've lost along the way - the only difference now is that i'm prepared for it in the future. not to detract from progress, but to endure a natural sequence of evolution.

i've got a soul left and it's not that i am scared for it. its just that i don't have any plans of putting it in the same imminent danger it may or may not have previously been in.

Works like a charm:

Real Friends Jump In

say you make a decision in your life, and you're not sure if its the right one. your almost immediate reaction is to wonder "what would other people think?". your close friends and their opinions being among some of your highest values (during the ages of 7-29ish), wait at the front of your self evaluation queue. now your close friends aren't always going to agree with the decisions you make. that doesn't make them bad friends. often times, it means quite the opposite. anybody who cares enough to disagree with you, cares enough. that's what makes them such good friends.

there will be people in your life who will not agree with you to a point in which it is impossible to sustain a healthy relationship on such disagreeable terms. this is part of life and is painfully natural - and not without an obvious variance in the measure of severity from individual to individual. (nobody could possibly fuck up as 'uniquely' as i have) parting ways is natural. so is fallout. these are the fruits of our ill-advised labors. you're only evil if you can keep it up. you're only human if you can't help but feel ashamed. you're only virtuous if you're willing to do what it takes to save yourself. you're only strong if you can pick yourself back up. you're only real if you can feel.

there are people in my life i can't live without. a sense of stability as strong as oak. people i would not trade the world for. because if you have the world and nobody to enjoy it with, you don't have anything at all. trust is everything. even if you don't know it yet. everybody realizes this at some point in their life. an integral part of the architecture of any relationship. you can't be selfish and trustworthy at the same time. just a heads up. it takes a certain type of person to be a certain type of somebody.

deception is corrosive.

So Here We Aren't.

we'll be cleaning up as long as we're moving this fast. this doesn't have to adhere to any set of standards we do not deem worth abiding. structure, safety, solace, fourth s word that's creative, original and wields a good measure of emotional connectivity. if it only it took one low down dirty moment in time to teach a boy how walk like a man. this is the revival of an anonymity long since expired. who knew you could make a lot less noise if you just kept your fly zipped up.

now don't start getting all "omfg" up in this bitch. and don't act like you hold the solution. the recipe for a more impermeable resolve. its inconceivable, the math, the odds, the elements. our boy was combustible at the best of times. you're not ever supposed to peel your fourth avocado as slow as your first avocado. if this is the case please refer to this fucktardproof gadget that comes highly recommended as a "must purchase item" at the International Rubberhead Expo:

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get better at everything you do. do better. know better. don't slow yourself down by failing to observe the obvious improvements we can all continually manage to make if we really put our skulls to it. rule number one: learn from your mistakes. not so simple. not so simple at all, especially if you're a slow ass avocado peeler. you can't fix every mistake you make. it is possible to crash a car and not be able to fix it. it is possible to break a heart so bad you can't ever return to the safety it once provided you. which is exactly why, one day when i dream of considering the possibility of thinking about inquiring as to whether or not i would like to write a book that may or may not pertain largely to the strikes and gutters of an unlikely presidential candidate, i feature i would title it "what not to do".

but once again i return to my initial point. you have to be aware of what you're capable of. and even more attentive to what you're not. my grandpa once said "i'd slap you if you knew better". live and breathe those 7 words. know better. try new things. find out what works the best. next thing you know, you're peeling quick. things are working out. shits turning up guacamole.

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So Apparently jesus Was Born Tomorrow

and that's it. we can not yet review the comprehensive alphabet. this is not the beginning (A), we're nowhere near the end (Z). this is just how i get from J to K. there's plenty of room to grow. the reason this is always exciting for me is because i have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going to happen next. the math, the odds, sometimes in order to maintain a conscious grip on reality i completely avoid considering why i got the chance i was given. always improving. always innovating. always building. never tearing down. on-track, unstoppable and as intrusive as ever.

thanks for reading this. merry christmas.