2nd best dependance in a while

i have been relying on this place more and more. the rocks are closer. the hard places seem more real then ever. and all i have is here. this safe place. nothing here judges me anymore. well. not that i know of. being more myself than anyone else would let themselves be. here is saving my life. here is making me stronger. here is stretching my legs. there is alot of pressure lately. almost too much to handle. to that point where you either make a move or you crumble. i won't break. not yet. not like this. i'm better than that. stronger than this. you won't break me. if you knew how paper thin your ground really was. you've got nothing on me. you never will. theres always someone stronger, always someothing bigger. ive got more important things to lose sleep over. and i'm safe here anyways. i'm not going anywhere. this ship will one day sink. and i will happily go down with it as long as i can know in my heart i did everything in my power to keep it afloat. and if it still sinks, it was supposed to and so was i. but i will not go down without a fight. in a blaze of fire and glory.

i'll end big. i have to. dave asked me if i liked motorbikes the other day i said no. cuz i'd kill myself. and i don't want to go in a measly bike crash. i have plans of dying by explosion. not IN an explosion, but actually exploding. when i die, whenever that will be, it will have been because i exploded. literally internally cumbusted. like a human grenade. my skin and guts all over everyone around me. hopefully it happens at county fair of some sorts. so that there are several people in the vicinity of my skin and guts fallout. blood everywhere. someone will get a hand on their head. my hand. ha. but it will be grand. it will make new stations across the country. it will become famous. old men will tell stories to their neighbors. children will sing songs about it. i will become a bedtime nursury. fuck. who gets the royalties to rock a by baby. what a classic.

i'm gonna start wearing cleats more often. its so much esasier to buttonhook on a sunday afternoon with cleats than without. also they're good for hikes and slashing peoples ankles and knees. although, they'l have to be rubber so i can maintain my 'highest jumper ever' record. undefeated might i add. i can jump the shit out of, off of, onto, or over anything. i'm thinking of taking some kind of martial art. just so my abilities to imobilize the human body will become more resourceful and swift. i figure i'll probably go back into my old job one day. hired killing. no weapons. just hands. in and out. a genius of the deadly arts. back in my prime i could wipe out an entire army cafeteria at lunchtime without a single person knowing what was going on. jfk didnt die by gun shot. i snuck into that limo in the middle of the day. and he spotted me. and i looked so wicked and intimidating his head just exploded. can i say that? too soon? too soon. ha. thats my fucking anthem. haha whats the different between steve irwin and a rock? nothing.




oh wait. a rock didnt leave behind a wife and two kids.



too soon?