Septembery

Hey there you are remember me
Your eyes are still Septembery
And i just can't believe I'm still awake

Hey take this all away from me
This show this old menagerie
Don't stop until there's nothing left to take

I've made a life of lying
When its giving's turn for trying
So its possible my heart is bound to break

But would i stand at any cost
For all I'm losing that's not lost
Or will I live alone and leave it all at stake

Roll away rolling river
Leave this tired life behind
I'll make my own bed, make my own way instead
'Cause nobody can tell me what I'll find

Now eyes that never close
See pain nobody ever knows
And all this rolling round in bed has been in vain

But if there ever was a chance in hell
And angels say I might as well
I'll fight with all I have to save your name

And if the end of the day finds me
Lying down with all that binds me
Am i still in no condition to complain

For the first time in a long time
I'll be dancing with the same crime
I've been hiding all alone inside my brain

Roll away rolling river
Leave this tired life behind
I'll make my own bed, make my own way instead
'Cause nobody can tell me what I'll find

Now the cracks around my eyes
Say I cannot afford more lies
And this deception has begun to take its toll

And the hollows of my heart
Have much expanded from the start
And left me starving and in search of my old soul

Is it really for the glory
Does it make a better story
When this rolling stone's got no where left to roll

Will it really make me better
When I title my last letter
"Mamma's rolling stone just fell into a hole"

Roll away rolling river
Leave this tired life behind
I'll make my own bed, make my own way instead
'Cause nobody can tell me what I'll find

Nutella Banana Sandwiches

give a little bit, if you're happy,
and if you're not happy, here take whats mine.
take a little longer, if you love me,
and if you don't love me, don't waste your time.

i don't care where you are
i don't care why you aren't

i'm getting tired of being awake

i'm getting tired of being awake
i'm getting tired of dragging my feet around
i'm getting tired of being so hungry
i'm getting tired of starving for affection
i'm getting tired of isolating myself
i'm getting tired of watching the sun come up
i'm getting tired of tossing and turning
i'm getting tired of self medicating
i'm getting tired of sweating when i sleep
i'm getting tired of not cuddling
i'm getting tired of daydreaming, all day long
i'm getting tired of being this close this far
i'm getting tired of not having what i want when i want it
i'm getting tired of slutty phone numbers
i'm getting tired of empty gratuity
i'm getting tired of the dark


i don't want to live where my shadow can offer the light.
i don't want to go where we're beautiful only at night.

The Sweater Song

she said baby don't leave
be home stay close be close to me
boy dont' be gone
he said baby you know
i gotta run i gotta go
i won't be long, girl i won't be long

she said boy don't you flirt
and baby please just don't get hurt
and if you feel alone then here take my shirt
he said forever girl i know you hate the weather girl
so maybe you should hold onto my sweater girl

she ran picked up the phone
said babe i miss you come back home
it can't be long, boy it can't be long
he said i hate this place
i miss your smile i miss your face
i wrote a song, girl i wrote a song

she said you make me better boy
i just mailed you a letter boy
and oh just so you know i'm still in your sweater boy
he said girl don't be hurt
i've sweat a lot and smell of dirt
and i think i'd feel naked without your shirt

he said you're looking great
i'm home i'm back i couldn't wait
girl way too long, this was way too long
she said get over here
i crave you close i need you near
now play that song, boy play me our song

he said back to forever girl
hope you endured the weather girl
now all i wanna do is get you outta that sweater girl
she said i like the way you flirt
i'm so glad you didn't get hurt
now let me see you naked without that shirt

Scaffolds of My Heart

My capacity in which to resume such an entire overhaul of my own heart and soul is baffling. The propensity and tenacity is boggling. I like boggle. Not a lot but a little. It seems like any mid twentieth century combustion engine (and please don't think we are not too far apart) I have the ability to sustain a shade of perpetual motion that needs only to be fueled by the motivation of ones self. Here in lies the crux. I am impossible. I feel like I am both a bad tooth and the dentist. No dentist operates on themselves. It is impossible. But for some reason, I fight so hard for the ability to self perscribe and self medicate as if I was some sort of sherlock holmes meets indiana jones meets nancy drew (except not a teenaged girl).

The importance of people in the life of someone looking to make positive changes is priceless. I am often unable to put such a price on people of equitable imprtance in my life. And often also forget to let them know.

I have done a lot of taking in my few days. Of friends and family's love, patience, grace, forgiveness, etcetera. Anyones days as a all take no give friend or family member may not be numbered, but truly will never be lived to their fullest. Renovations and reconstruction. Tongue biting is for the dishonest. And nothing makes sense of it all like a healthy measure of grace. Grace. Grace grace grace.

If you're going to be young and stupid, do it while you're young and stupid -jwh