Scaffolds of My Heart

My capacity in which to resume such an entire overhaul of my own heart and soul is baffling. The propensity and tenacity is boggling. I like boggle. Not a lot but a little. It seems like any mid twentieth century combustion engine (and please don't think we are not too far apart) I have the ability to sustain a shade of perpetual motion that needs only to be fueled by the motivation of ones self. Here in lies the crux. I am impossible. I feel like I am both a bad tooth and the dentist. No dentist operates on themselves. It is impossible. But for some reason, I fight so hard for the ability to self perscribe and self medicate as if I was some sort of sherlock holmes meets indiana jones meets nancy drew (except not a teenaged girl).

The importance of people in the life of someone looking to make positive changes is priceless. I am often unable to put such a price on people of equitable imprtance in my life. And often also forget to let them know.

I have done a lot of taking in my few days. Of friends and family's love, patience, grace, forgiveness, etcetera. Anyones days as a all take no give friend or family member may not be numbered, but truly will never be lived to their fullest. Renovations and reconstruction. Tongue biting is for the dishonest. And nothing makes sense of it all like a healthy measure of grace. Grace. Grace grace grace.

If you're going to be young and stupid, do it while you're young and stupid -jwh