Lost in Atlanta

so last night, i got completely lost. like completely fucking lost. in the middle of suburban atlanta, no phone, no cash, and no hotel name. haha. man. started out at the venue. after the show. tom and i got so damn drunk we were shooting aerosal cans at lighters and making huge flames. and not stopping there. pulling our pants down and bending over and shooting flames at our asses. burning all the hairs. so drunk. we were so drunk we were escorted from the venue in great fashion and shoved into a cab. this is where tom's memory went on pause. we went to the hotel but then walked way up the street to this late night reataurant. i was so drunk i was eating other peoples food. and once i got my food i was so unhappy with my service that i asked for a piece of paper and a pen, and wrote, "this is what happens when you don't treat your customers friendly" and i slammed the paper into my quesedilla and ran out of the restaurant as drunk as could be. and down the block, due to the server chasing me. i lost the server. and myself. no clue where i was. ended up walking around the city for 3 HOURS. till i found the hotel. haha. couldn't believe it. enclosed is a picture of tom shooting fire out of his mouth (well, i'm behind him a home made torch) oh, and today i threw our guitar techs shoe into a tree.

home

So I’m going home tonight. I’m excited. Back in the van. Sim is gone. He’s going with friends to Montréal. We’re all driving. Dan is driving. Anthony is shotgun on the computer, Chris, in the first bench, making a movie for solo mobile. I’m behind him in the second bench. On my computer. Just finished making some show updates for the label. Listening to massive attack. Fuck what a cool group. Dave and tom are nice and snuggly in the lounge in the back. I bought a lighter today. And lit Dan’s hair on fire. He was less than impressed. He threw my ipod into the bushes. Prickly bushes. We’re even. I think. I miss home. I’m gonna be home for two days and its going to be the best 2 days of my whole summer. I’ve already got the entire 2 days planned down to the minute. I land Thursday at around 10.45, Jordan is gonna pick me up from the airport I got to straight to the Feldman office to pick up some things and sign some other things. Then I got to go to the dmv to renew my license, and then off to the passport office to get a new passport cuz I lost my first damn passport on our trip to Newfoundland. So tired and/or drunk that I left it on the plain. Then I’m gonna go home and get ready for camping I was supposed to go camping Thursday night but I may not be able to due to rain. Fuck that. Friday morning I’m gonna be putting on the ol'dusty tool belt and go do some framing for a couple hours with my boys in the construction crew. I can't wait. I’m actually excited to go work. Not for money. Just for the time with the friends. For a couple hours. Then I’m going to go home and get sorted out and just re pack my stuff, do some laundry and relax. Then I have lunch at Nonno and Nonna’s (Italian for Grandpa and Grandma) then I have a tattoo appointment at 2.30 for 5 hours. Then I’m going to zoom back home and everyone is coming over for a barbeque. (All that is, is an excuse to drink beer with food on your face) and by everyone I mean all my friends and all my family. I’m excited to see everyone. Then I sleep for 2 hours and wake up at around 8 and fly to Calgary for 10.45 and then off to do press and then sound check, and then play, and then get royally faced. I’m stoked. Oh I’m also excited to sit in my car again and speed all over Vancouver in it. It’s new. And fast! It’s going to be a great couple of days. I miss home a lot. These last couple of days waiting has made me very anxious and intolerant of just about everything, making me a little hard to deal with but still, very handsome. I’ve been eating a lot of fast food again. I know its bad for me. I usually go the rollercoaster route with my diet. A couple months, very healthy, and then usually a couple weeks of crap food and lots of it. Then back to the skipping rope and vegetables for another couple months. Its really really hard to maintain a good healthy diet when touring. Especially in a van. When you’re in a bus you can at least keep fruit and veggies in the fridge and make fruit smoothies and all sorts of shit. In a van, its whatever the gas station/fast food outlet has to offer. So you usually tend to lean towards the McNuggets and Big Macs and taco Supremes after a while. Oh well. Just got to wash my face a little more now. I also left my screen door of my hotel open in New Hampshire, (we were in god damn Poe dunk no where) and when I got back after the show my room was FULL of bugs. All shapes and sizes. It was the most disgusting thing ever. There was a beetle looking bug on my pillow, literally, as big as my thumb. Sim took a picture of it. So gross. Bugs gross me out so much. Well that’s a whole page. I’m going to shut my eyes for a couple minutes. Go fuck yourself.

Fuck You Tom Osborn!

"fuck you tom osborn" reads a sign held between the fingers of an 11 year old girl. her thumb up and a smile across her face. i like tom osborn. he has a great sense of humor. alot of people in the world don't. its unfortunate that i'm gonna die happier than them. well. its not that unfortunate. the 13th hour on the road. in the back of the van. its not so bad. let me paint a picture. i was good at this in highschool. the van is a 15 passenger white ford van. long. we've removed the back 2 seats. thats where tom and i live. with enough room for 3 people to lie shoulder to shoulder, legs fully extended. but only two of us ever ride back here. tom has his green, very used blanket as the base layer. then, on his side of the 'lounge' two very 'seasoned' couch cushions span his side of the back. on my side is a barrage of pillows that i've stolen from hotels along the way and a pink disney princess blanket. (snow white, cinderella, and belle, to be exact.) lining the roof of our kingdom is blue rope light. kept up by numerous zip ties, strands of duct tape, and i think some of chris' gum. empty beer cans are wedged in between the lights and the ceiling. a few teddy bears, and some pornography also hang from the windows. its almost a masculine therapy to regularly redecorate or, add, findings to our lounge, i stole a cool belt off someone and it now hangs above my head. all my glasses hang from the lights, as well, a makeshift cupholder i tried to craft together one drunken night back to the hotel. i spilled a budweiser in the corner last night, but don't tell tom. itis on his side. we have a power splitter so that we can power all of our computers and cellphones and what not, and every once in a while the odd smell of electrical fire fills our noses and we laugh and wait for the big one to hit. the road is very black at night, and in the country the only thing you can see is the white lines in front of you. dan (production manager) drives, anthony (tour manager) sleeps and awaits his shift, chris sits in the first bench facing sideways making a movie on the new mac we got him. dave sits in the next bench with sim, dave has the driver side seat, he's watching 'troy' heh. sim (simeon) is our videographer. stand up guy. knows alot of people and does a great job of capturing my most sincere emotions as i fall off trailers and get stitches or pull down my pants and crowdsurf etc. (full length dvd to come) sim has this incredible ability to sit and just do nothing for hours. not even headphones in. just be still and quite and ride. he's doing that now. i'm sitting up against the wheel well facing the driver side wall. tom is up against the back door watching sopranos. i've bought the first 2 seasons and they seem to be all lent out already to the guys (i watched both seasons in 4 days) heh. jesus. i'm gonna buy the third one tomorrow. i love that show. shows have been going well. cant complain.



can't complain about much right now. i can say however that i really miss home. not in a homesick way, but in an "i'm feeling lost" way. home is truly my anchor on reality. and the perfect reference point to what real life is. there was a time when my perspective of life and just how trivial it all really was would spearhead the way in my mental/spiritual/emotional pursuit of truth, understanding, wisdom, and happiness. things are different now. i'm not angry, maybe alittle side tracked, but not angry. people grow. people change. its natural to change. inevitable really. but how you change, is never too far from your grasp. especially this last month, going through some very private circumstances has brought me almost full circle in certain understandings and aspects of my life. in retrospect i've seen myself with a taste of power, or achievement, worth. and its almost entirely changed my opinion on life. all of a sudden i'm not ready to die it seems. i'm not finished it seems. there was a time when i was so content in knowing that life is just so very fleeting, so minute in the big picture, that any time was a good time to go. never having been so content. and things are different now. i'm scared of achievements. i've seen so many people around me that have given so much of their lives to achieving something, seeming to sacrifice almost everything to get there, and at last, feeling so forfeit. i don't want that. i don't know what i want. i'm just a mixed up kid. way to much pressure to not be complaining about.

there was a time when we would kiss so hard, i stood so proud and tall. i want to be everywhere your looking. i want to be everything your looking for. i want to remember the feeling of your skin. of your fingers. i want to go camping. i want to go fishing. i want to cook a steak and a can of pork and beans over a fire. i want to burn marshmallows. i want to make condensation inside of a tent. i want to make eggs and bacon on a coleman stove. i want to not brush my teeth and not wear underwear. i want to go tubing down the river and get waaay too drunk. i want to make the tent alitlte more condensed. i want to not comb my hair. i want hot dogs for lunch. i want a summer time. i want camping. i'm gonna go buy a tent tomorrow morning and i'm gonna start camping out on hotel front lawns. yessss. i'm feeling good. different. alittle scared. but good. i'm 22 now for god sakes. i'm pretty much almost an adult. pretty much..... almost.