in lieu of someone.

its hard to hide from yourself when you feel as if you've already dissapeared. at this moment i'm somewhere in the middle of canada. in an annonymous hotel rooom. surrounded by annonymous cold. with a nameless depression. i hate it. i don't need this fear. i don't need this down. i miss my friends. i hate pictures of them. it makes me want to relive it all. but i can't i can only play sad music and keep the lights off. i'd like to sit beside an ocean. unaffected by the cold but so taken by the breeze there would be no need for music even. faces lit by stars and moon, hair fighting the breeze shading the eyes. images like these keep me from shuttind down. this is probably just one of those days. i'm just glad i have this place. my sanctuary. i hate long words. i love short words. i love eyes. and hair. and smiles. and lips. and tears. and breaths. and lashes. and noses. and rain. and roses.