collision is such an ugly sound

it starts to be time to be better at everything at the same time. trust will bind us. an it will also destroy us all together if we neglect to let it be in complete control of our decisions and our actions. say whatever you want because i can laugh it off. sure i can. but that says nothing of the resilience i only wish i knew. for the handful of people i am aware of that possess the ability to make me feel entirely safe i can only pray to g(G)od that lines are never crossed. in a time and a day and a place where for more of myself than anything else, the beating heart of your day to day life is a complete risk, and where people can turn on dimes, i cannot imagine what it would be like to feel such betrayal. i am a monster.

i keep getting myself wrong. "nothing bad is happening to me" doesn't make sense anymore. it just gets so scary sometimes all it takes is a flat bmx tire and you think you're headed for serious disaster.

i don't ever want to be a complete and utter lack of a good reason to fight for something. it doesn't feel like i get stronger by the second, right now i feel suspended in air. but its probably more just the altitude. the air is so fucking thin up here it makes you sick faster than it makes you smile.

its the fear that drives us. its that same fear that keeps us on a razors edge.
i will always be deathly afraid of falling. out of trees, out of love, and out of touch.

when it rains it pours.