Hesitations

the stopping and thinking the space between blinking the time we take leisure and measure and rhyming and pleasure. the more i sotp to think the less i think i can stop. the act of stopping, the hesitation of going bearing a fine line between green and red, go and shouldn't. bright green sunglasses bright green english classes. i bet mispelling english is just fucking stupid. i'm not afraid to keep going. being alone is terrifying and i won't let that stop me. i can't. the fact that it scares me is the same principal i base the fact that i cannot stop. i have to learn. i have to fear. i have to grow. the show must go. when i can finally write down what i think to the tune of only myself as the audience then i know i will be saying what i mean. this transparency can do nobody any justice. this menagerie is no benefit to anyone. perpetuating the psychological predisposition that has been my greatest weakness since my moment of independent cognition - will do me no good. i need to shave. just a little. i do not like shirts with tight collars. it feels too confining. i'm changing. a lot. and its good. and its bad. and its painful. and its dangerous. and its new. and its exciting. and its terrifying. and its liberating. and its life altering. and i will come out the other end with both legs and arms and still breathing. still running. still swinging.