Mid Week Boys Club
some songs
picture of jesus - ben harper
apple candy - ben lee
12:59 lullaby - bedouin
alala - CSS
fucking boyfriend - bird and the bee
i wish - babyshambles
I have cold feet. Not the literary kind, just the actually, cold, kind. I've been unstoppably feverish as of late. Jordan fell out of my car last night. (It was mid-week-boys-club last night) he got so drunk, that while I was driving he decided to get out. He smacked his head on the pavement pretty bad. We have MWBC once a week, whether we like it or not. It’s healthy. My best friends that I don’t live very close to anymore, we make a point of seeing each other once a week, or we’d never see each other. Even though it just turns into a drunken debacle, it’s still two of my best friends and I, since grade school. I can’t believe how imperative my friends have been through all of this rubbish. The people I have in my life are the most incredible people in the world. They keep me strong, they keep me sane, and most of all, they keep me stable. Reminding me of what’s important, what’s not, what’s real, what’s fake, what I need, what I don’t, and most of all, how funny it is to watch someone ESLE jump off a dumpster into a shrubbery. My left nostril has been runny and sniffley for a while now, so it’s producing quite an array of boogers. I find a lot of people really just don’t like boogers. I don’t mind them. They’re exciting. The weather back at home here has been incredible. Sunny and significantly above zero. I’ve been wearing a t-shirt and open hoodie for a few days now. But that’s also because I hardly change what I wear. Normally every 3-4 days.
My head’s been down for quite a while with this whole music thing. And it kind of scared me yesterday. Not that I don’t have the time to take to do the dishes, or walk my dog, or see an old friend, or just watch curb until I fall asleep on the couch, its just that I choose not to. And instead, spend countless hours guitar in hand, or in front of my computer or at the jam space. And I think I just get scared that all this will lose its element of fun. I think most of the time, its just that lovely little feeling of impending doom. I don’t think I’ll ever buckle under pressure, but I just feel like its taking over sometimes. So many things to do. So many. So many people to please. So many people to keep from being mad at me for who the fuck knows what this time. I guess I just never want this to stop being fun. I never want to forget what it is I want, and I never want to forget what I’m doing this for.
I don’t’ want time to run out. I really don’t want it to slow down either though. Maybe if I can just find a moment I can appreciate. Maybe those 3 minutes around 4.15pm when the sun is at its last angle of light, orange almost, and still warm enough out for me to drive with all the windows down. And as I descend on the city, sun in my face, warm air blowing, it almost seems like the muscles in my face know without hesitation what to do. And a smile takes over my face like the unveiling of an awkwardly beautiful piece of art. Gnarly teeth and all. I think then, I would choose to just pause. Freeze time. like zach morris always did. And just take a deep breath. Maybe cry a little. (No one would notice, they’d all be frozen) I hope I never ever forget where I’ve come from. I hope I never ever forget what really moves me. What really makes me feel. I hope I never ever forget what I’m capable of, and what I need to do. I know I’ve gotta do something. Even if its banging nails, I wish I could just know for certain. I hate instability. I like security. Certainty. Stability. I think. Well, I should probably get back to music. Its not gonna write itself. Long time no see. Don’t be a stranger. Me.
things i miss, to the sounds of 12:59 lullaby:
nintendo wii
red scope
outdoor contained fireplaces
any sort of stone masonry
italian food
sailors
red scope.
picture of jesus - ben harper
apple candy - ben lee
12:59 lullaby - bedouin
alala - CSS
fucking boyfriend - bird and the bee
i wish - babyshambles
I have cold feet. Not the literary kind, just the actually, cold, kind. I've been unstoppably feverish as of late. Jordan fell out of my car last night. (It was mid-week-boys-club last night) he got so drunk, that while I was driving he decided to get out. He smacked his head on the pavement pretty bad. We have MWBC once a week, whether we like it or not. It’s healthy. My best friends that I don’t live very close to anymore, we make a point of seeing each other once a week, or we’d never see each other. Even though it just turns into a drunken debacle, it’s still two of my best friends and I, since grade school. I can’t believe how imperative my friends have been through all of this rubbish. The people I have in my life are the most incredible people in the world. They keep me strong, they keep me sane, and most of all, they keep me stable. Reminding me of what’s important, what’s not, what’s real, what’s fake, what I need, what I don’t, and most of all, how funny it is to watch someone ESLE jump off a dumpster into a shrubbery. My left nostril has been runny and sniffley for a while now, so it’s producing quite an array of boogers. I find a lot of people really just don’t like boogers. I don’t mind them. They’re exciting. The weather back at home here has been incredible. Sunny and significantly above zero. I’ve been wearing a t-shirt and open hoodie for a few days now. But that’s also because I hardly change what I wear. Normally every 3-4 days.
My head’s been down for quite a while with this whole music thing. And it kind of scared me yesterday. Not that I don’t have the time to take to do the dishes, or walk my dog, or see an old friend, or just watch curb until I fall asleep on the couch, its just that I choose not to. And instead, spend countless hours guitar in hand, or in front of my computer or at the jam space. And I think I just get scared that all this will lose its element of fun. I think most of the time, its just that lovely little feeling of impending doom. I don’t think I’ll ever buckle under pressure, but I just feel like its taking over sometimes. So many things to do. So many. So many people to please. So many people to keep from being mad at me for who the fuck knows what this time. I guess I just never want this to stop being fun. I never want to forget what it is I want, and I never want to forget what I’m doing this for.
I don’t’ want time to run out. I really don’t want it to slow down either though. Maybe if I can just find a moment I can appreciate. Maybe those 3 minutes around 4.15pm when the sun is at its last angle of light, orange almost, and still warm enough out for me to drive with all the windows down. And as I descend on the city, sun in my face, warm air blowing, it almost seems like the muscles in my face know without hesitation what to do. And a smile takes over my face like the unveiling of an awkwardly beautiful piece of art. Gnarly teeth and all. I think then, I would choose to just pause. Freeze time. like zach morris always did. And just take a deep breath. Maybe cry a little. (No one would notice, they’d all be frozen) I hope I never ever forget where I’ve come from. I hope I never ever forget what really moves me. What really makes me feel. I hope I never ever forget what I’m capable of, and what I need to do. I know I’ve gotta do something. Even if its banging nails, I wish I could just know for certain. I hate instability. I like security. Certainty. Stability. I think. Well, I should probably get back to music. Its not gonna write itself. Long time no see. Don’t be a stranger. Me.
things i miss, to the sounds of 12:59 lullaby:
nintendo wii
red scope
outdoor contained fireplaces
any sort of stone masonry
italian food
sailors
red scope.
posted by honest at 10:14 AM
<< Home